The Cretan Archers
With apologies to Paulio Vellia
Sup up your wine and collect your fags,
There’s a row going on down near Rhodes,
Get out your bow and look to the west,
I’ll get out mine and string it myself.
Thought you were smart when you took them on,
But you didn’t dish out coins to the mercenary men,
All that buggery may put hairs on your chest,
But what chance have you got against Heraklions best?
Hello-hurrah - what a nice day - for the Cretan Archers,
Hello-hurrah - I hope rain stops play - with the Cretan Archers.
Thought you were clever when you lit that pyre,
Lit up all the halls of Athens and the streets of Tyre,
Compose a revolutionary symphony,
Then went to bed with a Spartan called Steve.
Hello-hurrah - cheers then mate - it’s the Cretan Archers,
Hello-hurrah - an extremist scrape - with the Cretan Archers.
What a catalyst you turned out to be,
Pulled back the strings then you run off home for your tea,
Left me standing - like a guilty Hoplite.
We came out of it naturally the worst,
Beaten and bloody and I was sick down my greaves,
We were no match for their composite bows,
Though some of the lads said that they’d hire them next week.
Hello-hurrah - there’s a price to pay - to the Cretan Archers,
Hello-hurrah - I’d prefer the plague - to the Cretan Archers.
Hello-hurrah - there’s a price to pay - to the Cretan Archers,
Hello-hurrah - I’d prefer the plague - to the Cretan Archers